Your wife is not your mate! Well I imagine a lot of long term married people probably disagrees with me however if you give me a chance, I will explain myself to you. Most of marriage and relationship advice usually asks that we go into a relationship with someone who is your friend, ‘Marry your friend’ they say. Well, I’m not talking about that. A mate and a friend in this context are two different things.
A mate has several meanings however in this context, I’m referring to the informal British definition where a mate is a friend or companion. Most people refer to their friends as mates and this is the context I’m referring to. A man’s mate in this context would include his drinking buddies or other men he spends time ‘hanging’ with. It’s is generally considered a relationship or mutual respect/disrespect and most mates do get along. They usually never take themselves too seriously and there are very few boundaries and most things are acceptable.
Here’s where we then miss it. Usually as men, the society and our immediate communities teaches us to respect women and treat them with a lot of gentility and care. We are taught to mind how to speak to them and understand we are quite different hence would need a lot of patience when it comes to women. For a lot of men, all these are well learnt till you meet a woman who fancies you. Some of these women would go a long way in trying to fit in hence the stereotype with which we were configured are all soon dispelled. Suddenly, you’ve met a perfect woman who is almost like one of your mates. This man then lets his guard down and does not mind what he says or how he acts because she had made him too comfortable, just like mates.
With every new relationship, every man should be read their ‘Miranda Rights’. ‘You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can be and will be used against you in a court of law. You don’t need an attorney, even if you have one you could never win in any court. Do you understand the rights just read to you?’. LOL.
Jokes aside, it became clear to me 7 to 8 months into my relationship that even though my wife is my best friend, she is not my mate. She’s the lord and for peace to reign, she must win in a discussion. It does not matter what it is, the best way to operate this is your right to remain silent. When you decide to talk, think carefully then agree with her.
If you know another way this should work, I’ll love to hear from you.
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